You look fat when you cry

~There is a sacredness in tears. They are not a mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love...

~Crying does not indicate that you are weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you are alive...


So today was sad and painful for me. My family has been here in Arizona for thanksgiving and this morning they left. I don't think I realized just how much I missed them until I saw them and then had to say goodbye again. So I spent a better part of yesterday bawling my eyes out. And for the most part I didn't want to say goodbye, especially to my mom. But then I guess I just needed to cry.

I think we all have those times where you keep it in and keep it in and then the smallest piece of straw breaks the camels back, so to speak. I started the cry-a-thon off with just not wanting to them to leave and then I realized how lonely I am and then that I basically have no idea what I'm going to do about my broken car and then the pain behind my right eye that refuses to go away and I haven't slept and my feet hurt from work and basically everything I would never cry about came flooding to the surface.

I'm not sure where or when or why it happened but lately my emotions are so raw and close to the surface that little things make me tear up and it sucks!!! I feel like a baby!

The two quotes from above bring me a strange sense of comfort. I guess I just have this thing I'm not sure how to explain it I just am moved by phrases and sentences that have a resounding truth.

I don't know when or why showing your feelings or crying or anything became a sign of weakness, but like the quotes say they speak of many things. I can remember many times I laughed so hard I started crying. Or the insane joy I felt the first time I held my nephew after he was born; this little boy that after one second in my arms an incredible love that could only be expressed in tears of joy.

And then there are the not-so-happy tears. The ones where you feel a grief and a sadness so profound and staggering that words or silence are not enough.

Tears are not weak. It is ok to feel. Happiness is a mood not a destination. It's like being hungry or tired. It comes and goes. I always thought a robot would be boring anyway

Chivalry Is DEAD!

So..I decided to start this fun little doodad to help let out all the crap that builds up during my day. That way I don't blow up and maybe I can give someone a chuckle, or something to that effect.

I warn you beforehand, I am not a writer or an English major, I try to use correct spelling and grammar but like I said, My mind is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. So deal with it or go away.

Here goes... This week, thus far has not been good. Well it kinda starts with Saturday night. Around 11 pm, a friend, well I guess a friend I have no idea how to describe our relationship, anyway, he calls me up yet again because the latest girl (that I warned him about) turned into the Crazy (that I warned him about). So she wasted his time and she's psycho and blah de blah de blah. And I am trying to be sympathetic and nice and to not say " I told you so" so he whines at me to stay on the phone until he falls asleep which is 3 Hours later. Then he calls me the next morning and starts talking about it again then falls asleep again. I was going to go to church but I also fell asleep. Not the point, he texts me later and starts getting into this religious debate which basically ends up with him telling me to kiss his ass and I'm a close minded moron.

Later that night my date bailed on me and I got absolutely no sleep.

Monday rolls around, My car has been acting up and that day seemed so much worse but the date I had was supposed to come over after I get off work I call to let him know I'm home but he doesn't answer and never calls back. So I decide to go to the store to get the things I have been assigned to  bring for Thanksgiving dinner and my car, on the freeway decides it just doesn't want the clutch to engage. So I barely make it off the freeway and, praise Jebus, I safely coast into a nearby parking lot just in time to have an emotional break down.

I will tell you now that chivalry seems to have died somewhere in the generations before me, as I, a girl in my 20's, stood there crying my eyes out, poking around hopelessly under the hood of my car I counted no less than 23 men who slowed down to stare at me then speed off without stopping. Now I realize that there was really nothing they could do, and maybe it's because I grew up with a great dad who is a real man, but he would always stop just to ask if there was something he could do, or if they were alright. So none of these 23 guys stopped at all and one guy actually skateboarded around my car, looking at me the whole time and then got in his truck and drove away... ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!

Eventually I get home and take a few pills that my doctor gave me, they're actually like super allergy pills basically but they put me to sleep so it works for me. I wake up today feeling like what I imagine a hangover feels like, I go with my uncle to tow my car out of the parking lot I left it in and that goes good. Work wasn't horrible I guess, and I am leaving soon to pick up my brother, Sister in law and nephew at the airport, I haven't seen them since March of this year and the rest of my family will be here tomorrow afternoon for the holiday. I know seeing them will make me feel better.

I will delve deeper into this crazy jungle later but off to the airport, ONWARD HO!!! What did you call me? Just kidding

...But Seriously