The Ride Is Not Over Yet.

The last two weeks or so have been very trying. Between the cost of my car and physical and emotional pain I'm exhausted in all sorts of ways.

In my last post which was for the most part dedicated to my lost friend, I spoke of anger and faithlessness in my Heavenly Father. I couldn't see the reasons or make any sense of the purpose is taking Jared. And through prayer and testimonies of his wife and my friend Tiffany and through many others who mourn his passing I've come to see the tender mercies and love that was around their family prior to his death and that it was simply his time. I'm not entirely sure of every detail but I understand that each of his family members got their own special goodbye, not that they knew that's what it was at the time, but the spirit and God in his infinite wisdom was giving them that peace. I realize that Jared's mission here on earth was done and that he was needed back in Heaven. I know that the road will be long and difficult for Tiffany especially as she prepares for the birth of their second baby, but part of my peace has come from her faith. She feels Jared and the Lord with her, carrying her through this trial. I wish I could be there for her but I know she is surrounded by love and I always say a prayer for her in my heart. It reminds me of the movie Charly, when she knows that she is going to die and she tells him,"This is not the end, the ride is not over yet. I'll save your place in line." Tiff and Jared's ride is NOT over, they are sealed forever and when the time comes they will be together in Heaven.

With all that's happened, it feels just a little wrong that I'm sitting here moaning about my car and my back when there are people out there really suffering but I am human and life sometimes kicks you in the pants.

Its been nearly a year now that I've been living with a herniated disk. And I will tell you now feeling like I'm an old woman was not how I imagined being 21 would be, but I guess things don't always go as planned. I don't think that God intentionally maimed me, but I think he's trying to teach me something, the sly old fox. If you know me at all, you know that I HATE asking for help. I'm stubborn and being on my own, I figure I just have to do it cause no one will do it for me. So I change the oil in my car by myself. I changed the tire on my grandmas car last night by myself. I lift cases of water and pick up whatever because I have to do it because I'm a girl living on her own. And I still have trouble asking but I don't reject it if someone offers and I've had to be patient and learn to be still. God doesn't give us patience, he gives us opportunities to be patient.

I am also learning these lessons whole dealing with my car. I had to both ask for help and be patient while things were being repaired. And I still don't like it but if I hadn't I'd be stranded. It's hard in the moment to look at your situation and to be thankful for your trials. But with all the much more terrible things going on around me I've realized I have much to be thankful for. I have a job, I still have a car despite the cost of fixing, I have a family who helps me and loves me no matter what. I have people on earth and in heaven looking out for me. No matter how bad my back hurts I am here. I can walk even if it's with a limp when the nerves get pinched by whatever is going on. My body functions mostly the way it should. I can see, I can hear. There really is much to be thankful for.